An Inconvenient Christianity

Happy new year!! It has been almost a year since my last blog post. Time flies! I have been feeling the compulsion to write again, so here it goes. Disclaimer: This is not a request for sympathy. It is, however, a statement of received clarity. On Sunday, December 29, 2019, I was ordained along with six other amazing individuals. As momentous as that event was, I felt the weight of it on my shoulders in a way that I was not anticipating. The calling is heavy. The mantle is heavy, but not burdensome. I know that because the Lord said that His yoke is easy and his burden is light ( Mt. 11:28-30 ). But while I was feeling the weight of the assignment, there was another weight. This one was heavy and burdensome...almost crushing. It disturbed my sleep the night before and broke my concentration several times throughout the ordination service and ceremony. This weight was the weight of certain people's displeasure at my elevation. There are those who, while they won't say it

For years, I thought it was my fault. That I did something wrong. That somehow I had invited his adult lips to touch mine. Or that I had unwittingly enticed his grown man’s hands to explore my no-no place. I was only 10 years of age after all. What did I know of the art of seduction? Clearly, I had stumbled across some universal signal to adult men that sexual touching was welcome. Or that’s what I thought afterwards…when it was all over and I was left to contemplate the violation that had occurred. And his warning to keep silent about it. He didn’t have to warn me though. I didn’t want to talk about it. What would I have said? How could I have described what happened? And my role in it? So I just sat wondering how I got there. Unlike so many others with similar experiences, mine only occurred the one time. There was no repeat. Thank God. But the truth is, there did not need to be a repeat occurrence for me to feel like a prisoner in my own home…for me to feel like it would

Hello out there! I have to share this with you. This has been a very emotional week for me. I have been in a period of fasting about a situation. Or at least so I thought. As I was praying the Holy Spirit stopped me and told me not to pray about the situation. It's already handled. I was told to pray about myself. To ask God to show me myself. And boy! I wasn't ready. The main thing the Holy Spirit showed me is that subconsciously, I don't really believe that God loves me unconditionally. He also showed me that I don't understand the love of God. I found out that my entire life I have been trying to do things to secure the love of others. As far back as I can remember, I have been trying to earn love. Even from my parents. (SN: I have/had the most amazing parents and they loved me wonderfully, but my notion of love was somehow warped anyway). So I have always offered up my works, my talents, my giftings as a reason for people to love me. It was not until the Holy

My people!! I had to come back for a sort of part two to my previous blog because the Holy Spirit is impressing on me to finish the rest of the story. As I was praying yesterday morning about one of my faith frustrations, the Holy Spirit reminded me that on the other end of a faith frustration is a faith manifestation (somebody ought to shout "Hallelujah" at that!)...but there is a caveat to that. Faith manifestations are the natural conclusion of faith frustrations IF our posture is right. I tell you!! That thing hit me in my chest this morning. I had to repent about my posture before the Lord in the midst of my faith frustrations. Truth be told, I was getting really impatient. My posture was not one of a humble serving waiting patiently for the Lord. Rather, I was "waiting" like an entitled brat. I never actually used this verbiage, but in essence I was saying, "I did my part God, so what is taking you so long? You gonna work this out for me or not?"

Hi all! It's been a while, but I'm back with something on my heart. I wonder if there is anyone out there that gets faith frustrations. In case you are wondering what that means, let me explain the term for you. A faith frustration occurs when a person is walking in faith to see the manifestation of some desire from or promise of God, but the actual manifestation is delayed to the point of frustration. Let me open and transparent. I am smack-dab in the middle of some faith frustrations right now. Everywhere I look I see frustrations. I am at a place in my life where I know that God has some plans for me (a la Jeremiah 29:11 ), but in this moment, I must admit that I have done some questioning of those plans. Like, seriously, what is taking them so long? And more importantly, why does the situation that God promised would work out seem to be getting worse? Isn't that the wrong direction? Let me pause here to say that if you are questioning God, you don't have to feel

Hello everyone! This is another deeply personal blog, but I think writing about my issues will lead to victory over them (can the church say amen?) So here goes... I have a little confession to make. I STRUGGLE with anxiety. It can be debilitating. If there is anyone that can make a mountain out of a mole hill, that person is me. This is a battle I have been fighting (and, unfortunately, losing) for a long time. At its worst, I have been unable to function normally. During one particularly horrible bout of anxiety about 10 years ago, I was standing outside of the courtroom, crying and unable to enter because I was so overcome by anxiety about a case I had. Almost every major setback in my life can be traced back to my inability to act because of my anxiety. Thanks be to God, I do not suffer from debilitating anxiety most days. Most days, I can overcome the little stressers and distressers in my life. That's how I have been functioning, until recently. Recently, I have been