This blog has been a long time coming. I started several versions of it, but this is the first time that the Holy Spirit released me to write it. The title comes from something a good (and occasionally wise) friend wrote today. Suddenly, it was time.
Perfection has been a goal of mine for as long as I have known myself. I fall short of it. ALWAYS. (Side note: what an awesome and merciful God we serve!). As much as I have talked about commitment and getting rid of the distractions in this blog, the truth is that I was preaching to myself. I was trying to maintain a facade of perfection, while being anything but perfect.
For longer than is decent to admit, I was in an inappropriate relationship with a married man. I have always been a good Christian girl raised in a good Christian home, so I tried to justify my actions to myself. I loved him. Or at least I loved the version of him that I thought existed (*spoiler alert* the man I thought he was did not exist...like, at all). And because of my love for him, I compromised my relationship with Christ. I foolishly thought that maybe there was a reason that God had brought the man into my life. I'm not even sure what I expected as the final outcome from the illicit relationship, but I was trapped. Trapped by "love". Trapped by spiritual weakness. Trapped by spiritual blindness. I was so far outside of what I knew to be right, that I gave up on my pursuit of perfection, believing that I was a lost cause. I could never muster the strength to walk away from the man's dizzying spell.
Until...
God brought me to a place where I had no option but to walk away. And burn the bridge. There is something freeing about burning the bridge that leads back to toxicity and destruction. Everything turned around for me. I began to walk in the newness of the favor of the Lord. It has been amazing.
The one thing that did not change is that I never again returned to my dogged pursuit of perfection. Only Christ lived a perfect life. The notion that in and of my own efforts, I could achieve what only Christ accomplished was not only foolish, it was arrogant of me. It took being in that awful situation and its messy aftermath to get me to realize my arrogance.
Thankfully, now, I have been given the liberty in Christ to live in perfect progression. Let me clear, the concept of perfect progression is not code for "license." Rather it is the dogged pursuit of a deeper relationship with God, of a closer walk with Christ, of a greater understanding of the Word, of a more fulfilling worship life, of another level of faith, of what the Lord has for me. In short, I am pursuing perfect progress. Each day should be better than the last.
Perfect progression requires a level of self-discipline unlike any I have ever known. The interesting thing is that the more I seek the next step and next level, the greater my desire for it.
Perfect progression is as inconvenient as anything that I have ever done, but the rewards are heavenly!
If you are pursuing perfection in this Christian walk, unburden yourself. Pursue perfect progression. Only God is perfect, but I guarantee He will help you with the parts you cannot do on your own.
Perfection has been a goal of mine for as long as I have known myself. I fall short of it. ALWAYS. (Side note: what an awesome and merciful God we serve!). As much as I have talked about commitment and getting rid of the distractions in this blog, the truth is that I was preaching to myself. I was trying to maintain a facade of perfection, while being anything but perfect.
For longer than is decent to admit, I was in an inappropriate relationship with a married man. I have always been a good Christian girl raised in a good Christian home, so I tried to justify my actions to myself. I loved him. Or at least I loved the version of him that I thought existed (*spoiler alert* the man I thought he was did not exist...like, at all). And because of my love for him, I compromised my relationship with Christ. I foolishly thought that maybe there was a reason that God had brought the man into my life. I'm not even sure what I expected as the final outcome from the illicit relationship, but I was trapped. Trapped by "love". Trapped by spiritual weakness. Trapped by spiritual blindness. I was so far outside of what I knew to be right, that I gave up on my pursuit of perfection, believing that I was a lost cause. I could never muster the strength to walk away from the man's dizzying spell.
Until...
God brought me to a place where I had no option but to walk away. And burn the bridge. There is something freeing about burning the bridge that leads back to toxicity and destruction. Everything turned around for me. I began to walk in the newness of the favor of the Lord. It has been amazing.
The one thing that did not change is that I never again returned to my dogged pursuit of perfection. Only Christ lived a perfect life. The notion that in and of my own efforts, I could achieve what only Christ accomplished was not only foolish, it was arrogant of me. It took being in that awful situation and its messy aftermath to get me to realize my arrogance.
Thankfully, now, I have been given the liberty in Christ to live in perfect progression. Let me clear, the concept of perfect progression is not code for "license." Rather it is the dogged pursuit of a deeper relationship with God, of a closer walk with Christ, of a greater understanding of the Word, of a more fulfilling worship life, of another level of faith, of what the Lord has for me. In short, I am pursuing perfect progress. Each day should be better than the last.
Perfect progression requires a level of self-discipline unlike any I have ever known. The interesting thing is that the more I seek the next step and next level, the greater my desire for it.
Perfect progression is as inconvenient as anything that I have ever done, but the rewards are heavenly!
If you are pursuing perfection in this Christian walk, unburden yourself. Pursue perfect progression. Only God is perfect, but I guarantee He will help you with the parts you cannot do on your own.
Thank you for your honesty and openness. Infidelity affected my marriage eight years ago, and I can tell you that is ONLY through the Holy Spirit that things were redeemed. I am blessed to hear that you have chosen this path!
ReplyDeleteThanks so much for your comment. I sorry to hear that this affected you as well, but happy to know the redeeming power of the Holy Spirit is working in your marriage.
ReplyDeleteWhile I regret that period in my life, the lessons I have learned about God and about myself are invaluable.