An Inconvenient Christianity

 Hello out there... I was just taking a moment to scroll through my blog posts and I realized that FAR too many of my posts begin with an apology for lengthy silence. So this time around, I will not offer one. Suffice it to say that I am resurfacing... ...with a purpose. I'll explain... I took a long (and quite frankly MUCH needed) break from blogging and social media altogether. Like all of you, I made it through the panic and uncertainty of the pandemic (thanks be to God!). I also came through a really difficult health journey (not COVID-related). I suppose I should say that I am coming through because this journey is far from over, but the Lord is faithful. During the nearly four years of my health journey, the Lord has taken me through quite a few changes. I plan to blog about those in the future. In the meantime, I feel the Spirit of the Lord leading me to step out of my comfort zone and to turn these published blog posts as well as future ones into videos. After a bit of foot...

As I get older, it has gotten harder to celebrate Mother's Day. So I stay silent. In public spaces, I mean. Of course, I celebrate my mother and all of the strong mothers around me, but the day is a profound reminder of the things that I thought I would have by now and don't. I chose not to say anything on Mother's Day because that is unfair to all of the celebrants. Also, I didn't want to appear ungrateful to the people that wished my a "Happy Mothering Day" because of the mothering I do for so many, or a "Happy God-mother's Day" because of my god-children. I appreciate all of that I do. But it's difficult for me you see...When I was in my 20s, I KNEW (without question) that was going to be a mother. Biological. I knew I would nurture life within me and raise two or three little ones. I'm in my 40s now and that just isn't my reality. And while I am grateful for the many blessings God has given me, I would be lying if I pretended that...

Happy new year!! It has been almost a year since my last blog post. Time flies! I have been feeling the compulsion to write again, so here it goes. Disclaimer: This is not a request for sympathy. It is, however, a statement of received clarity. On Sunday, December 29, 2019, I was ordained along with six other amazing individuals. As momentous as that event was, I felt the weight of it on my shoulders in a way that I was not anticipating. The calling is heavy. The mantle is heavy, but not burdensome. I know that because the Lord said that His yoke is easy and his burden is light ( Mt. 11:28-30 ). But while I was feeling the weight of the assignment, there was another weight. This one was heavy and burdensome...almost crushing. It disturbed my sleep the night before and broke my concentration several times throughout the ordination service and ceremony. This weight was the weight of certain people's displeasure at my elevation. There are those who, while they won't say it ...

For years, I thought it was my fault. That I did something wrong. That somehow I had invited his adult lips to touch mine. Or that I had unwittingly enticed his grown man’s hands to explore my no-no place. I was only 10 years of age after all. What did I know of the art of seduction? Clearly, I had stumbled across some universal signal to adult men that sexual touching was welcome. Or that’s what I thought afterwards…when it was all over and I was left to contemplate the violation that had occurred. And his warning to keep silent about it. He didn’t have to warn me though. I didn’t want to talk about it. What would I have said? How could I have described what happened? And my role in it? So I just sat wondering how I got there. Unlike so many others with similar experiences, mine only occurred the one time. There was no repeat. Thank God. But the truth is, there did not need to be a repeat occurrence for me to feel like a prisoner in my own home…for me to feel like it would...

Hello out there! I have to share this with you. This has been a very emotional week for me. I have been in a period of fasting about a situation. Or at least so I thought. As I was praying the Holy Spirit stopped me and told me not to pray about the situation. It's already handled. I was told to pray about myself. To ask God to show me myself. And boy! I wasn't ready. The main thing the Holy Spirit showed me is that subconsciously, I don't really believe that God loves me unconditionally. He also showed me that I don't understand the love of God. I found out that my entire life I have been trying to do things to secure the love of others. As far back as I can remember, I have been trying to earn love. Even from my parents. (SN: I have/had the most amazing parents and they loved me wonderfully, but my notion of love was somehow warped anyway). So I have always offered up my works, my talents, my giftings as a reason for people to love me. It was not until the Holy ...

My people!! I had to come back for a sort of part two to my previous blog because the Holy Spirit is impressing on me to finish the rest of the story. As I was praying yesterday morning about one of my faith frustrations, the Holy Spirit reminded me that on the other end of a faith frustration is a faith manifestation (somebody ought to shout "Hallelujah" at that!)...but there is a caveat to that. Faith manifestations are the natural conclusion of faith frustrations IF our posture is right. I tell you!! That thing hit me in my chest this morning. I had to repent about my posture before the Lord in the midst of my faith frustrations. Truth be told, I was getting really impatient. My posture was not one of a humble serving waiting patiently for the Lord. Rather, I was "waiting" like an entitled brat. I never actually used this verbiage, but in essence I was saying, "I did my part God, so what is taking you so long? You gonna work this out for me or not?...

Hi all! It's been a while, but I'm back with something on my heart. I wonder if there is anyone out there that gets faith frustrations. In case you are wondering what that means, let me explain the term for you. A faith frustration occurs when a person is walking in faith to see the manifestation of some desire from or promise of God, but the actual manifestation is delayed to the point of frustration. Let me open and transparent. I am smack-dab in the middle of some faith frustrations right now. Everywhere I look I see frustrations. I am at a place in my life where I know that God has some plans for me (a la Jeremiah 29:11 ), but in this moment, I must admit that I have done some questioning of those plans. Like, seriously, what is taking them so long? And more importantly, why does the situation that God promised would work out seem to be getting worse? Isn't that the wrong direction? Let me pause here to say that if you are questioning God, you don't have to feel...

Hello everyone! This is another deeply personal blog, but I think writing about my issues will lead to victory over them (can the church say amen?) So here goes... I have a little confession to make. I STRUGGLE with anxiety. It can be debilitating. If there is anyone that can make a mountain out of a mole hill, that person is me. This is a battle I have been fighting (and, unfortunately, losing) for a long time. At its worst, I have been unable to function normally. During one particularly horrible bout of anxiety about 10 years ago, I was standing outside of the courtroom, crying and unable to enter because I was so overcome by anxiety about a case I had. Almost every major setback in my life can be traced back to my inability to act because of my anxiety. Thanks be to God, I do not suffer from debilitating anxiety most days. Most days, I can overcome the little stressers and distressers in my life. That's how I have been functioning, until recently. Recently, I have been ...

Happy New Year!!! Right...I know. I am the worst. I should have at least said something during the first quarter of the year. I was busy? A poor excuse, poorly offered. My apologies. But let's get down to why I decided to drop a note. Today, while listening to NPR I heard a story about a German word fernweh .  It means to have a longing for far off places (usually somewhere an individual has never been). The coined English term is "farsickness." (A play on homesickness, I suppose.) As I listened to the segment, the host heard from various people about a deep internal longing to visit far away lands both real (like Scotland or New Zealand) and fictional (like Westeros and Middle Earth). I smiled because I identified with the folks in the latter category. What I wouldn't give to invade a Westerosi territory on horseback with my khalasar behind me.... I digress. The more I listened, however, the more I began to think about being farsick in a spiritual sense. Co...

This is yet another one of those rare blog posts from me. Actually, the truth is that I have started other posts, but never finished them for publication. This time is different, though. The Holy Spirit would not let me abandon this blog post. Not this time.  At various points in the year, I have been noticing a shift. In the world. In the church. In myself. In the atmosphere. Anybody else feel it? It feels like the time is fast approaching when business as usual will no longer be enough. It feels like the same old way of operating will fail us. It feels like we need to step our game up, so to speak. In literally EVERYthing. EVERY aspect of our lives....but especially spiritually.  I am woefully incapable of articulating what I feel in my spirit about the upcoming year, but I know that 2018 will be uncommon. I believe that God i getting ready to blow our minds in the upcoming year. And I don't necessarily mean with blessings. But this time will also require an uncom...

Okay...so the phrase "reclaiming my time" has become an internet sensation since Rep. Maxine Waters (D-CA) uttered it several times during Sec. Mnuchin's testimony on July 27, 2017. If you haven't seen it,  please take a moment to do so. Trust me, I enjoyed that immensely...and then I started thinking about the spiritual aspect of that statement. My most recent blog post  Perfect Progression  got a lot of reactions. Most of them were positive. A few people contacted me privately to share their own stories and/or ask questions. The thing people wanted most to know was how I was able to forgive myself. Before the Maxine Waters video, I did not have the phrase for it. Now I do. I reclaimed my time. The Lord showed me in His word ( Ephesians 5:15-17 ) that the time I wasted being devoted to the wrong person had to be reclaimed and more importantly, that I shouldn't waste more time beating myself up for what was already done. See, what I learned was that God gets...

This blog has been a long time coming. I started several versions of it, but this is the first time that the Holy Spirit released me to write it. The title comes from something a good (and occasionally wise) friend wrote today. Suddenly, it was time. Perfection has been a goal of mine for as long as I have known myself. I fall short of it. ALWAYS. (Side note: what an awesome and merciful God we serve!). As much as I have talked about commitment and getting rid of the distractions in this blog, the truth is that I was preaching to myself. I was trying to maintain a facade of perfection, while being anything but perfect. For longer than is decent to admit, I was in an inappropriate relationship with a married man. I have always been a good Christian girl raised in a good Christian home, so I tried to justify my actions to myself. I loved him. Or at least I loved the version of him that I thought existed (* spoiler alert * the man I thought he was did not exist...like, at all).  A...

Happy new year!! Yes, I know it's almost May, but this is my first blog post of the year and I thought it was appropriate to greet you all properly. Anyway, I have been meaning to write. So much has happened and so much needs to be said, but I have been putting it off. Not sure why exactly. Perhaps, I have just been fighting against the inevitable. Actually, that is exactly the reason. James Weldon Johnson has a poem called,  Prodigal Son , where the speaker proclaims that the subject's arms are too short to box with God. That's me. Desperately trying to spar with the Creator, but my arms are too short. The end result? No punches have landed, I'm fighting the air...and I'm tired. God's sovereign will is a heckuva thing to come against. So why do we try? I wish I had an answer for that. Something about the human will seeks to exalt itself. It began happening in the Garden of Eden and has been occurring ever since. Oh yeah, we sing songs like, "...

**This blog is about the election in an indirect way** So let me tell you all what has been going on. Recently, my pastor has been has been preaching a series on holiness. His emphasis has not been on physical holiness and purity so much as spiritual holiness and the way we (as Christians) treat one another. Reconciliation was the buzz word. You see, as Christians, we are obliged to forgive those who have wronged us. The so-called Lord's Prayer actually makes the Father's forgiveness of us contingent on our ability and willingness to forgive others. Across the board, I am unlikely to be met with any opposition about the Christian's duty to forgive. However, when it comes to reconciliation? That is another story. Indeed, a lot of the rhetoric our there in Christendom surrounds forgiving, but not forgetting (read: forgiveness without reconciliation). But how can we name the name of Christ and refuse to be reconciled? That was the point of my pastor's sermon series...

Yes, that "The Walking Dead." I am OBSESSED with that show . The season 7 premiere was so nerve-wracking and hard to watch (in a good way) that my chest hurt for a full hour even after the show had ended. (We can argue via email about whether a Christian should watch shows like that. I welcome your opinions.) For those of you unfamiliar the show, it is set in a post-apocalyptic world after a viral pandemic which causes the dead not to stay dead. So zombies roam the earth trying to eat living human flesh. The show tracks a group of survivors and their efforts to survive in this new reality. But by now, I'm sure you have guessed that this blog post will not be about the show. Not really. A very wise friend of mine on Facebook posted something yesterday that got my mental juices flowing. Here is my train of thought: According to 2 Corinthians 5:17, in Christ we are new creatures; the old has gone and the new has come. In other words, our sin nature has died. And ...

This post is not about Donald J. Trump. I mean, it is, but it isn't. I just feel compelled to address something that I find deeply disturbing. Dr. James MacDonald touches on it  here , but there is a nuance that I want to discuss from an inconvenient standpoint. On Friday, October 7th, the world was made privy to a private conversation that Trump had with Access Hollywood host Billy Bush. I will not provide a link the the video because it is disgusting and does not need to be accessed from my blog. Suffice it to say, the statements and claims about reprehensible and illegal conduct made by Trump were truly appalling. But he made those statements 11 years ago... He might be a different man today. Who knows? None of us knows his true heart. Only God knows that. So is it fair to judge him by his comments from 11 years ago? *Please note: For the purposes of this blog, I am addressing his comments in the Access Hollywood video only. I am creating an artificial vacuum to make a p...

Hello out there! It has been a little while. Many things have happened and I will post about them shortly, but this post was compelled by something I saw on Sunday evening. I am a HUGE fan of the Game of Thrones series on HBO. I have read the books by George R.R. Martin and am (im)patiently awaiting book 6 (Mr. Martin, if by some miracle you are reading this....please, please, please hurry. Kthxbye!). I waited until now to post this to avoid spoiling the show for those who were not able to watch on Sunday evening. That said....... **********************************SPOILER ALERT******************************** In this latest episode, we not only get the explanation of how the character called Hodor (real name: Willis) got this nickname, but we also watch him give his life for Bran Stark, his charge. Without explaining too much of the plot, Bran recklessly summons an evil undead hoard and has to be taken to safety (since he cannot walk). By the end of the episode, the only thi...

Last night, America, if not the entire world, paused to watch Kobe Bryant 's last game. Tickets to see the much anticipated event commanding record sums. One report I read had the "cheap" seats in the nosebleed section for $685.00 per person. In some ways, last night's game was the millennials' version of the OJ Simspon verdict or the shooting of JFK. For years to come, people will talk about where they were and what they were doing when the Black Mamba played his last professional basketball game. And play he did. His stats were on fire. Not only did he lead his team to victory one last time, but he did so by putting up 60 points on his own. Not to mention his assists and rebounds. It was a thing of beauty to behold. And bittersweet because it is the end of an era. Amidst the postgame celebrations and heraldry, I began to think of the spiritual implications. Like the Apostle Paul, Kobe fought the good fight and finished his course. And like Paul, he r...

So now seems as good a time as any to tell you all that I am totally and completely in love with the most amazing man that I have ever met...other than my dear sweet daddy. I cannot even begin to describe him. He is everything that I have always prayed for a husband to be...and he loves me. For me. Exactly as I am. Unbelievable and unbeatable. But before you start wondering about church bells and wedding dates, it occurred to me the other day that I might truly be called to singleness. The scripture is clear on a single woman's dedication to ministry (see 1 Corinthians 7). I am nearing 40 at an alarming rate and have never been married and never had children. Marriage to this wonderful, amazing man might just be what God has planned for me, but what if it isn't? I've been thinking long and hard about how I would react if the Lord asked me to walk away from this relationship and serve Him undistracted. My mind keeps landing on the story of Abraham. God promised Abram (...

First, let me apologize that it is March and this is my first post of the year. There is no excuse. Now, let me hasten on to what what brings me here. Last week, tennis star Maria Sharapova held a press conference where she "took responsibility" for testing positive for a banned substance during January's Australian Open. She said that she had been using Meldonium for about 10 years for various medical issues and when the new banned substance list came out, she saw the email, but failed to click the link that would take her to the actual list of banned substances. In other words, she claimed ignorance. Further investigation of the whole story, reveals that banned substances are on a watch list for at least a year before they are officially banned. Since that is the case, wouldn't it make sense for an international tennis star of Sharapova's character to pay close attention to whether her medication would end up as a banned substance? The simple answer is yes. ...