I am about to share something deeply personal...albeit in this VERY public forum. While I normally shy away from very personal revelations, I think this one is necessary to bring out this point.
All my life, I have struggled with my weight. It has been my dirty little secret. I have dieted and exercised. I even went through a battle with an eating disorder all in an effort to lose weight. I simply cannot stand the sight of myself when I am heavy. That has been quite problematic for me because I have been heavy most of my life. Translation: I have spent most of my life unable to stand the sight of myself in the mirror. So I avoid them...and pictures. Especially pictures.
Since the death of my father, I have acquired a lot of weight. And the pounds that came brought friends. They won't leave, either. They seem to like just hanging out on my 5'7" frame. These recent acquaintances of mine have made me quite reluctant to look into mirrors or to pose for pictures. I just don't want to see what I really look like. And I have found that if I don't really look at myself it is easier for me to fool myself into thinking my weight gain is not so bad.
This brings me to last night. I went to a birthday party and was forced to take several pictures. It was torturous. I did everything to keep from being confronted with the truth of my physical appearance because the truth hurt, but with the photographer's camera in my face and the celebrant looking at me with a smile, I could not longer avoid the inevitable. I posed for several snapshots. When I looked at the previews, I got waaaaay in my feelings (read: got really depressed).
In the midst of my depressed state, the Holy Spirit began to speak to me (as He often does). He reminded me that this is how I and most Christians behave when we have sin in our lives. We shy away from God's Word, His presence, and fellowship with the saints because we are not ready to face the truth of our spiritual appearance. We act like Adam in the Garden of Eden and hide from God because we know that we have sinned (see Genesis 3). It's convenient.
The inconvenient thing, however, is a two-step process:
1. We need to take a look in the Scriptures and be confronted with our true selves. The Word of God is a mirror. It shows us who we really are. We cannot pretend with the Word of God. It is quick and powerful, sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing even unto the separation of the soul and the spirit and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart (see Heb. 4:12). We cannot continue to deceive ourselves when we look at the Word of God.
2. We need to conform ourselves to the Word. It is not enough just to look. The book of James says that we need to be doers of the Word and not hearers only. He actually used the mirror imagery with an analogy. He said that hearing the Word of God (or reading it), but not doing the Word is like a person who looks at him- or herself in a mirror and then walks away without making adjustments (see James 1:19-26). That person quickly forgets what s/he just saw. What good is that? If we look in the mirror and see that something is amiss and then fail to make the necessary adjustments, the mirror was useless to us.
We have to be careful not to make the Word of God of none effect. Let us not shy away from it and when we look, let us make the necessary adjustments. Our eternal souls depend on it.
All my life, I have struggled with my weight. It has been my dirty little secret. I have dieted and exercised. I even went through a battle with an eating disorder all in an effort to lose weight. I simply cannot stand the sight of myself when I am heavy. That has been quite problematic for me because I have been heavy most of my life. Translation: I have spent most of my life unable to stand the sight of myself in the mirror. So I avoid them...and pictures. Especially pictures.
Since the death of my father, I have acquired a lot of weight. And the pounds that came brought friends. They won't leave, either. They seem to like just hanging out on my 5'7" frame. These recent acquaintances of mine have made me quite reluctant to look into mirrors or to pose for pictures. I just don't want to see what I really look like. And I have found that if I don't really look at myself it is easier for me to fool myself into thinking my weight gain is not so bad.
This brings me to last night. I went to a birthday party and was forced to take several pictures. It was torturous. I did everything to keep from being confronted with the truth of my physical appearance because the truth hurt, but with the photographer's camera in my face and the celebrant looking at me with a smile, I could not longer avoid the inevitable. I posed for several snapshots. When I looked at the previews, I got waaaaay in my feelings (read: got really depressed).
In the midst of my depressed state, the Holy Spirit began to speak to me (as He often does). He reminded me that this is how I and most Christians behave when we have sin in our lives. We shy away from God's Word, His presence, and fellowship with the saints because we are not ready to face the truth of our spiritual appearance. We act like Adam in the Garden of Eden and hide from God because we know that we have sinned (see Genesis 3). It's convenient.
The inconvenient thing, however, is a two-step process:
1. We need to take a look in the Scriptures and be confronted with our true selves. The Word of God is a mirror. It shows us who we really are. We cannot pretend with the Word of God. It is quick and powerful, sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing even unto the separation of the soul and the spirit and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart (see Heb. 4:12). We cannot continue to deceive ourselves when we look at the Word of God.
2. We need to conform ourselves to the Word. It is not enough just to look. The book of James says that we need to be doers of the Word and not hearers only. He actually used the mirror imagery with an analogy. He said that hearing the Word of God (or reading it), but not doing the Word is like a person who looks at him- or herself in a mirror and then walks away without making adjustments (see James 1:19-26). That person quickly forgets what s/he just saw. What good is that? If we look in the mirror and see that something is amiss and then fail to make the necessary adjustments, the mirror was useless to us.
We have to be careful not to make the Word of God of none effect. Let us not shy away from it and when we look, let us make the necessary adjustments. Our eternal souls depend on it.
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