Skip to main content

I See You

As I get older, it has gotten harder to celebrate Mother's Day. So I stay silent. In public spaces, I mean. Of course, I celebrate my mother and all of the strong mothers around me, but the day is a profound reminder of the things that I thought I would have by now and don't.

I chose not to say anything on Mother's Day because that is unfair to all of the celebrants. Also, I didn't want to appear ungrateful to the people that wished my a "Happy Mothering Day" because of the mothering I do for so many, or a "Happy God-mother's Day" because of my god-children. I appreciate all of that I do.

But it's difficult for me you see...When I was in my 20s, I KNEW (without question) that was going to be a mother. Biological. I knew I would nurture life within me and raise two or three little ones. I'm in my 40s now and that just isn't my reality.

And while I am grateful for the many blessings God has given me, I would be lying if I pretended that I don't shake my fist in God's face from time to time about being childless.

For me, it was not a choice...at least not my ideal choice. I can physically have a child, but without a husband (and yes, I absolutely have to have one if I am going to bring a child into this world), it is not the path for me. God has not ordained biological motherhood to be path for me.

There are days when I am ever so grateful that I do not have kids. During this pandemic, for instance. I cannot even imagine how I would cope. 

But then, I see posts from my peers of pregnant bellies and sonograms, pictures of newborns and toddlers, shouts of "Congratulations" to high school graduates, even mentions of grand-children...and it all makes me want to fight the air.

Mother's Day is hard on some of us. We are childless by circumstance or medical malady. We have suffered miscarriages. We have aborted children. We have given up children for adoption. We have had stillbirths. We have brought children into this world, but had them taken from us in one way or another. We are estranged from our children. We are estranged from our mothers. We have lost our mothers. Whatever the reason, it is hard.

Don't get me wrong. We should absolutely keep celebrating the mothers God has placed in our lives. But maybe be gracious to those of us who are struggling to accept His divine will for our lives, especially when it does not look like what we had planned.

And for heaven's sake, don't be an Elkanah. Elkanah is the husband of Hannah in the Bible. Hannah was a barren woman, but Elkanah loved her so much. In a particularly difficult moment for Hannah, Elkanah basically tells her that he is worth 10 sons. The Bible doesn't record Hannah's exact reaction, but I am pretty sure she was not amused. So please don't ply us with trite platitudes, thinking (or hoping) that a few words will ease the pain and fill the void we are experiencing.

For the women out there for whom Mother's Day is particularly hard, I just want to say I see you. I feel your pain. And my prayers are with you. I pray for grace to accept the will of God and the strength to continue to function as He has called us. 

The truth is: Mother's Day may forever be hard, but God knows best.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Ride or Die

I love this phrase. There are quite a few subtle variations on the meaning, but it is an urban colloquialism that means loyalty, no matter what. I thank God that I have been blessed with a few people that have that kind of loyalty to me and I to them. It's a rich blessing that have true friends. They are with me and in my corner no matter what (or "regardless of what" as one of them would say). This week we had Vacation Bible School at my church and I was privileged to be a teacher. The first lesson was taken from Daniel chapter three. The very well known story of the three Hebrew boys: Shadrach, Meschach and Abednego. It is a wonderful story of faith, but something jumped out at me so profoundly that it almost knocked me over. We always focus on the deliverance. But the Hebrew boys did not. Their focus was on God and Him alone. They were ride or die for the Lord. Literally. If you read the story, they never once pray for deliverance. They talk about God's a...
2 comments
Read more

Rocks, Gravel, Sand and Water

Let me first start by saying that I cannot take credit for the following example, as I did not originate it. In fact, I was listening to Turning Point with Dr. David Jeremiah and I was so touched by what he shared that I thought I would share it with all of you. Let's say I have a large, empty 5-gallon jar. If I place fist sized rocks into the jar until no more can fit, is it full? Before you answer, let me say that after I place the rocks in the jar, I pick up a bag of gravel and begin to pour that into the jar. Where does the gravel go? In between the spaces left by the rocks. After I fill the jar to the brim with gravel, is it full? Before you answer, consider this: I pour a bag of sand into the jar. Where does the sand go? Into the spaces left by the gravel, of course. After filling the jar to the brim with sand, is it full? Before you answer, consider this: I pour a pitcher of water into the same jar. Where does the water go? Into the spaces between the grains of sa...
2 comments
Read more

Was That Supposed To Be For Me?

An organisation to which I belong used to do a gift exchange for Christmas. Each member would have a few weeks to purchase something for the person whose name was randomly selected from a hat (or bag, whichever was closest). If I am not mistaken, we did this gift exchange for about four years before abandoning the idea. Not one year went by without there being some fuss because inevitably at least one person would get a gift that in no way compared to the one s/he purchased. The leader of my organisation went as far as to impose a monetary maximum AND minimum on the value of the gift, all in an effort to avoid the hurt feelings at the time of the exchange.  Not even that worked. The night always ended with some bickering and complaining. "Look at this cheap thing that I got!" or "Do you know how much time I spent looking for the perfect gift for my person and this is all I get?!" or "Was this supposed to be for me?" People's feelings were hurt a...
Post a Comment
Read more