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Spiritual Cognitive Dissonance

Yesterday, for the first time, I was on the program to give the message in our largest Sunday service. Nervous does not even begin to describe how I felt. I grew up in my church. Literally. When my family came to the United States in 1980, my church is where we began our collective spiritual journey. And now, 32 years later (I guess you can all figure out how old I am...), we are still active members. So you can see why it would be particularly daunting for me to address a congregation that by and large has watched me grow up from pig-tails and bobby socks to the person that I am now, by God's grace.

When I was asked (read: told) to give the sermon, my immediate response was no. In fact, if I remember correctly it was more like, "NO! Uh uh...Not happening!" But as I stood behind the sacred desk yesterday, I realised that my verbal "no" meant nothing. When you are called and ordained by God for a specific task, no matter how great or how small, there is no sense in saying no.

Yesterday, my own words from this blog came back to haunt me. I didn't want to do what I was called to do because I found it too inconvenient. "But I'm not a preacher," I kept saying (And I'm not..I am still refusing to accept that label). The idea of being a preacher is too much. It carries with it too much responsibility. It is soooo daunting. It is inconvenient. It does not fit in with the plan that I have for my life.

Yet, there I was yesterday, notes and all, delivering the Word that the Lord placed on my heart. And incidentally, I'm doing it again tomorrow night at a friend's church (I did say yes to that engagement at least). All the while, I'm saying no in my heart. I'm telling Almighty God that I cannot do what He is calling me to do. As much as I talk about trusting the Lord and standing on His Word, in my own situation I'm acting like Moses and giving God excuses for why I can't do what He wants.

I'm experiencing spiritual cognitive dissonance. I know what is right, but am totally unwilling to do it.

Why do we find it hard to trust God when we know that He is able to accomplish His will? A better question might be: Why do I find it so hard to walk my own inconvenient path, when I encourage others to do so almost daily?

Today, I have no parting wisdom, no song lyrics, no poignant question, no prayer, not even an encouraging word with which to end this blog, just a request: Pray for me as I pray for you.

Comments

  1. SweetjayMay 25, 2012 at 10:22 PM

    "For everyone to whom much is given, from him much will be required" Luke 12:48. I'm not a theologian so at the risk of taking this verse out of context, I will encourage you, nonetheless, to continue to do the will of the Father. Praying for you.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Josie JamesMay 26, 2012 at 1:01 AM

    Thank you so much. I appreciate it!

    ReplyDelete

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