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God Is Great And I Am Not*


*I wrote this blogpost on April 22, 2006. Just thought I would share it again.

i'm sitting here at my desk, listening to israel and new breed, researching case law for my newest brief and crying at the same time. hoo-rah for multi-tasking, right? but i'm crying because i'm thinking of how great God is and how much the opposite of that i am.

i messed up yesterday...bad. and i know that God is willing and able to forgive me, but i'm wondering now why He would want to. if i were Him (and i note that i am not), i would have long since cut me off because i just don't listen! you ever get fed up with someone that you keep bailing out of the same situations? don't you just get to a point where you want to wash your hands of that person and say, look, you do it again and you are on your own. don't come crying to me! well, that's what i would do. but God does not do that. why? because He is great and i am not.

time and time and time and time again i fail Him. in every miserable, possible way imaginable, i fail Him. and yet His mercy endures forever. yet, He is ever faithful. yet, He is ever loving. yet, He is ever forgiving.

in times like this, i think about the sacrifice of His Son Jesus, and i think, who am i that God would even do this for me, knowing that i would continue to make the same mistakes like some kind of spiritual lunatic?! but God is great and i am not...

can i do anything but thank Him? no...because i am SO undeserving of His love, grace, mercy and, yes, favour! despite my shortcomings and monumental failures, i am still blessed and highly favoured of God. why would He continue to be so good to me? i don't know except to say that God is great and i am not...

so i'm sitting at my desk, listening to music, researching, crying and now typing this blog, with one thought playing over and over again in my mind like a mantra: may it never be forgot that God is great and i am not...God is great and i am not...God is great and i am not.
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