An Inconvenient Christianity

Hello out there! I have to share this with you. This has been a very emotional week for me. I have been in a period of fasting about a situation. Or at least so I thought. As I was praying the Holy Spirit stopped me and told me not to pray about the situation. It's already handled. I was told to pray about myself. To ask God to show me myself. And boy! I wasn't ready. The main thing the Holy Spirit showed me is that subconsciously, I don't really believe that God loves me unconditionally. He also showed me that I don't understand the love of God. I found out that my entire life I have been trying to do things to secure the love of others. As far back as I can remember, I have been trying to earn love. Even from my parents. (SN: I have/had the most amazing parents and they loved me wonderfully, but my notion of love was somehow warped anyway). So I have always offered up my works, my talents, my giftings as a reason for people to love me. It was not until the Holy ...

My people!! I had to come back for a sort of part two to my previous blog because the Holy Spirit is impressing on me to finish the rest of the story. As I was praying yesterday morning about one of my faith frustrations, the Holy Spirit reminded me that on the other end of a faith frustration is a faith manifestation (somebody ought to shout "Hallelujah" at that!)...but there is a caveat to that. Faith manifestations are the natural conclusion of faith frustrations IF our posture is right. I tell you!! That thing hit me in my chest this morning. I had to repent about my posture before the Lord in the midst of my faith frustrations. Truth be told, I was getting really impatient. My posture was not one of a humble serving waiting patiently for the Lord. Rather, I was "waiting" like an entitled brat. I never actually used this verbiage, but in essence I was saying, "I did my part God, so what is taking you so long? You gonna work this out for me or not?...

Hi all! It's been a while, but I'm back with something on my heart. I wonder if there is anyone out there that gets faith frustrations. In case you are wondering what that means, let me explain the term for you. A faith frustration occurs when a person is walking in faith to see the manifestation of some desire from or promise of God, but the actual manifestation is delayed to the point of frustration. Let me open and transparent. I am smack-dab in the middle of some faith frustrations right now. Everywhere I look I see frustrations. I am at a place in my life where I know that God has some plans for me (a la Jeremiah 29:11 ), but in this moment, I must admit that I have done some questioning of those plans. Like, seriously, what is taking them so long? And more importantly, why does the situation that God promised would work out seem to be getting worse? Isn't that the wrong direction? Let me pause here to say that if you are questioning God, you don't have to feel...

Hello everyone! This is another deeply personal blog, but I think writing about my issues will lead to victory over them (can the church say amen?) So here goes... I have a little confession to make. I STRUGGLE with anxiety. It can be debilitating. If there is anyone that can make a mountain out of a mole hill, that person is me. This is a battle I have been fighting (and, unfortunately, losing) for a long time. At its worst, I have been unable to function normally. During one particularly horrible bout of anxiety about 10 years ago, I was standing outside of the courtroom, crying and unable to enter because I was so overcome by anxiety about a case I had. Almost every major setback in my life can be traced back to my inability to act because of my anxiety. Thanks be to God, I do not suffer from debilitating anxiety most days. Most days, I can overcome the little stressers and distressers in my life. That's how I have been functioning, until recently. Recently, I have been ...

Happy New Year!!! Right...I know. I am the worst. I should have at least said something during the first quarter of the year. I was busy? A poor excuse, poorly offered. My apologies. But let's get down to why I decided to drop a note. Today, while listening to NPR I heard a story about a German word fernweh .  It means to have a longing for far off places (usually somewhere an individual has never been). The coined English term is "farsickness." (A play on homesickness, I suppose.) As I listened to the segment, the host heard from various people about a deep internal longing to visit far away lands both real (like Scotland or New Zealand) and fictional (like Westeros and Middle Earth). I smiled because I identified with the folks in the latter category. What I wouldn't give to invade a Westerosi territory on horseback with my khalasar behind me.... I digress. The more I listened, however, the more I began to think about being farsick in a spiritual sense. Co...