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Reckless Love

Hello out there!

I have to share this with you. This has been a very emotional week for me. I have been in a period of fasting about a situation. Or at least so I thought. As I was praying the Holy Spirit stopped me and told me not to pray about the situation. It's already handled. I was told to pray about myself. To ask God to show me myself. And boy! I wasn't ready.

The main thing the Holy Spirit showed me is that subconsciously, I don't really believe that God loves me unconditionally. He also showed me that I don't understand the love of God. I found out that my entire life I have been trying to do things to secure the love of others. As far back as I can remember, I have been trying to earn love. Even from my parents. (SN: I have/had the most amazing parents and they loved me wonderfully, but my notion of love was somehow warped anyway). So I have always offered up my works, my talents, my giftings as a reason for people to love me.

It was not until the Holy Spirit showed me that I realized that I have treated God in the same way. I suppose I have always had some idea of the love of God, but I did not comprehend the depth of it. I could not comprehend the completeness of it. God is love and God loves us. More specifically, God loves me.

Me. Despite all my faults. Despite all of my mistakes. Despite all of my shortcomings. Despite all of my failings. God loves me.

The Holy Spirit showed me evidence of my lack of comprehension.

1. He showed me that I tried to do things to earn the love of God. Whenever I had a good day as a Christian, I felt that God loved me more. So I have assumed several roles in my church and I try to make sure that I do good works to make sure that God still loves me.

2. He showed me that when I falter, I run away from Him like Adam and Eve. I hide spiritually. I don't pray as much. I don't read the Word as often. I shy away from His presence because subconsciously, I think I am about to be punished in some way.

This was mind-blowing to me, but as the kids say, I couldn't find the lie.

Then the Holy Spirit began to bring scriptures back to mind:


That last one really messed me up. It means that God loves us regardless of what we do or don't do because HE LOVED US FIRST. He loved ME first! So the Holy Spirit showed me that if I really believed that God loved me the way the Bible describes, then when I messed up in some way, I wouldn't run away from Him, I would run TOWARDS Him. And that's what He wants. Of course, we shouldn't do things that are displeasing to the Lord, but you see the way His love is set up? WOOOOO! He wants us to know (He wants ME to know) that His love will always be there. We cannot earn it and we don't deserve it. Still He gives it.

It's a reckless love. 

The inconvenient thing is to let go of this idea of merit-based love when it comes to the love of God. It's easy to get caught up in the erroneous idea that God will love us more if we do right and less when we make mistakes. Untrue. He loves us. Period. End of sentence. It is an unqualified love. Our good works should only be a manifestation of our love for Him, not a meager offering to try to ensure His love. We already have it.

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